Captivate

"Transform Your World"

2012-01-29T13:55:00.003-06:00

‘Transform your world,’ is the Cap Corps Midwest motto. We believe thatthe call to serve others is most deeply a call for us to re-connect with ourbest selves and that the world outside is transformed in as much as we take thetime and energy to understand and deepen the ways in which we seeourselves. Our inner work is asimportant, if not more important than our outer work, because what we give toothers is a reflection of how we see ourselves.

Over the end of last year and the beginning of this year, Ihad the privilege to go to Peru and Nicaragua to participate in retreats withour international volunteers. For someof the volunteers, they were ended 18-42 months of volunteering. Other volunteers were finishing their first 5months of volunteering and preparing for the remainder of their time in CapCorps. During these retreats, Idiscovered another meaning for our motto, ‘transform your world.’

The focus of both of the retreats was trauma stewardship - that is, learning healthy ways to transform the trauma we have both experienced ourselves and the trauma we have been a witness to in the lives of others. We read and reflected on material from the book called Trauma Steward and learning how to live ship by Laura vanDernoot Lipsky. She says that we oftentake trauma that we have experienced or others have shared and hold onto it inunhealthy ways that cause us to become stuck in the trauma instead of beingstewards of the trauma.

One of the main messages of the book was that we have thecapacity to make our lives better regardless of our circumstances if we takethe time and energy to learn healthy ways to release trauma and to live in thepresent moment with an attitude of gratitude and acceptance of reality. She says, “Remain curious, take deep breaths, andmaintain a sense of humour…Only by understanding the topography of the landthat you are lost in can you begin to plot the wisest way out…remember thatnothing has to change in the world for us to transform our own life experience.”~Laura van Dernoot Lipsky

I knew thisidea in my head, but it was a whole other thing to live out this quote in myreality. After seriously reading thebook and thinking about these concepts, I attempted to become more aware of thetimes when I had a negative attitude and how it impacted my ability to interactwith others from a place of compassion and joy. When I found myself being judgmental or unnecessary critical, when Ichanged the lens within which I looked at the situation or the person, I wasable to change the way in which I interacted with a person or a situation.

This newunderstanding that to ‘transform my world’ doesn’t necessary mean changinganything on the outside or having a deep internal revelation has given me abreath of air that I did not know that I needed. To ‘transform my world’ also means the smallthings in my life that can be as simple reminding myself that there are manysides to one story and that I do not have to keep my current attitude if it isnot working for me. I’m so grateful forthe opportunity that I had to spend time with Jeanette, Tania, Megan, Courtney,Ryan, Laura, Michael, Ana, Elizabeth, Matt, Francis, Janet, and Chepe on theseretreats and for all that I’m learning from each person.

Learning totransform my world, one breath at a time.

~Marcia Lee,Cap Corps Co-Director, Detroit Cap Corps Alumni 2005-2007

Hope

2012-01-03T22:11:00.000-06:00

Hope is something that has been on my mind a lotrecently. I give credit to our monthlyformation for Cap Corps which asked us to spend time in reflection on thethemes of Advent. Being somewhat new to this whole Advent deal, I did a littleresearch prior to the big month so I could get myself ready. A theme thatcontinued popping up in internet blogs, conversations with friends, and onlineencyclopedias was that of hope.

I found myself turning to hope repeatedly this last month.As I struggled with decisions of what to do post-Cap Corps and worked ongraduate school applications, as our community moved physical locations andcontinued to work on our relationships with one another, and as I continued tocontemplate how I can be the best version of myself. At first I was frustrated. Hope seemed sopassive. Why couldn’t I have turned to something more proactive, likedetermination or communication, something that allowed me to see the results ofthe hard work I put into the concerns I had. I could not see hope helping memake a decision about my future, helping me with relationships with mycommunity members, and it was definitely not going to help me figure out who Iwas supposed to be. Hope feltineffective, felt submissive, felt like defeat. Overwhelmed by the issues Ifaced, I felt that my reliance on hope was my surrender to them.

Surrender was exactly what I needed. I am well aware of mytendency to want control in my life. Leaving things to chance makes me nervous,depending on others to get things done for me causes anxiety. Playing to mytendencies, I decided to take control. If hope insisted on being present in mylife, determined to influence my outlook whether or not it was invited, then Iwas going to understand it. As I often do, I turned to the very honest sourceof internet research.

Wikipedia describeshope as an emotional state that “promotes the belief in a positive outcomerelated to events and circumstances in one’s life” also stating that hope is“the feeling that what is wanted can be had or that events will turn out forthe best”. This one didn’t do it for me. Feeling positive still didn’t give me theownership I wanted over this sense of hope that occupied my mind.Merriam-Webster online dictionary, upped the ante. One of the definitionsprovided for hope was “trust”. Now that was the action I was looking for. Trust would be hard for me, but it would giveme something to work on, and took away that veil of passivity that I letpreviously define hope. I am generally trustingof peers, of teachers, of family, but often struggle with trusting the unknown.This definitely contributes to the rollercoaster faith life I have had, and inthe context of my future, relationships with my community members, andunderstanding myself, trust is definitely presenting me with a challenge.

I have always considered myself an optimist, throughoutstruggles or fears I have faced, hope always greeted me, the hope that thingswould work out. The skeptic in me always asked questioned and doubted, but hopeprevailed. Hope seems a gift that Icannot deny cultivating. If I am to be blessed with this optimism and hope inthe face of fear, then I must make it active. I will not rely on hope when I don’t want to make decisions by sittingback and letting life take its course, but I will trust and hope that thedecisions I make will be ones that help me find happiness. When faced with fearwhether it be in understanding myself or loving my community members, I willnot use hope as a means of avoidance, but allow hope to be my security blanketand comfort me as I continue on. This is how I will make hope active in mylife.

Let the hope that was so present in the Season of Advent andthe coming of Christ continue into your New Year. I have included one of mycurrent favorite songs, Shake it Out,by Florence and the Machine. For me, this song helps me remember that I cannotcontrol everything, there will be struggle and there will be pain, but therewill also be celebration. Hope requires surrender and trust. It is surrenderingcontrol when facing struggles, those “devils on your back” and allowing pain tohappen, hoping, trusting that hope will allow you to “shake it out”. As I approach the New Year, I am ready to honorthe darkness and struggle I have been through and surrender to a sense ofactive hope.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WbN0nX61rIs&ob=av2e

Erin Shawgo, Cap Corps Milwaukee, 2011-2012 (pictured here in the middle with Capuchins and her community mates)

Life after Cap Corps, an alumni's reflections

2011-12-06T09:31:00.001-06:00

The biggest decision of my life thus far was not thedecision to marry my wife or to have children or to go to graduate school orany of the few huge decisions that have had major impact in life in the pastfew years. No, the biggest decision Ihave ever made was a two-part decision: 1) to join Cap Corps for two years in Nicaragua, and 2) to stay in CapCorps after the first two months in Nicaragua when I wanted to pack it in. Staying in Nicaragua, “toughing it out,”building relationships with the Nicaraguan people, and getting to know theCapuchins gave me new confidence in myself and a new direction in how I wantedto live my life.

After returning from Bluefields, Nicaragua, I moved in withmy parents who had moved from the Dallas area to Worcester, MA. February is summer in Nicaragua and thetropical heat will melt you. Talk abouta change! On Monday I visited the beachfor the last time in Nicaragua. ByFriday, I was shoveling snow off my parents’ porch in what turned out to be avery cold winter. However the real shockof returning to the States soon became glaring. On the streets of Bluefields,what should have taken me 5 minutes to buy something at the local store wouldtake me about an hour because of all of the people I would run into and haveconversations. Conversations andestablishing relationships was a major part of my time there.

This was in stark contrast to life back in theStates. In order to buy a product at the local store in Worcester, I’d get inthe car, windows up and no human contact. I’d travel to the store, buy my groceries, and the only human contactI’d have would be with the clerk. A taskthat should have taken me ten minutes did indeed take me ten minutes, but thehuman experience was much poorer. Thissmall example of comparing one experience in Nicaruaga with another in theStates sets up an interesting observation I was making about myself. I hadn’t realized how much I had changed, inmy thinking and in my being, until I had returned to the States.

It was dawning on me then that my“missionary” experience didn’t begin when I leftfor Bluefields but rather when I returnedhome. My “ministry” involved bringingthe very human sensibilities of brotherhood, solidarity, and the preferentialoption for the poor that I had learned through the Capuchins and the Nicaraguanpeople to my own culture, friends, and family. However, living and embodying this great task in a consumerist,individualist culture requires employing some important intellectual andpractical tools that I didn’t really have yet. As mentioned in my first essay, I didn’t grow up with an experience of community and my early political philosophicalinfluences from my family was much closer to what is now the Tea Party. So, while I knew I had changed on the insideand had become my own person with my own very different understanding of whatit means to be a global citizen, I didn’t have a new vocabulary or the skillsto articulate what I was feeling and thinking. In short, the questions became: how do you translate an inner metanoia intoan external vocation and way of interacting with a family, friends, and culturethat hasn’t had that radical experience? How do you do it without coming acrossas supercilious and resentful? And whatkind of occupation can provide for me a way to make a living while living outmy vocation that holds relationships, brotherhood of humanity, healing, andspirituality as essential? After workingfor a non-profit in Worcester for more than a year, I discovered the dual-Mastersprogram at Boston College for clinical social work and pastoral ministry.

A wonderful and life-giving next phase of my life was aboutto begin! Just prior to moving toBoston, I did something quite uncharacteristic of me. I took out an ad at Catholicsingles.com. I didn’t think that I would get a bite fromthat hook, truth be known. I was lookingfor a partner who was not only into service but desired that her occupation bean expression of her vocation and all of this with a progressive, Catholic,distinctly Franciscan lens of spirituality. Tall order, right? Well, afterabout a month I checked my account and found a message that read somethinglike, “Hi, I’ve never done this before but here it goes: I am 23 years old andfeel that God is calling me to use my gifts as a medical doctor. I’m really into volunteering and before goingto med school, I lived as a full time volunteer for a year with the Franciscansat St. Francis Inn, a soup kitchen in Philly.” A little over two years later, I married Kelly. We spent half of ourhoneymoon at St. Francis Inn as a personal statement that service would beintegral to our marriage.

Doug and Kelly

Over twelve years have passed since beginning my Cap Corpsexperience. We now live near Dallas,Texas, where I’m from and where my parents and brother live. We’re solidly into another phase in ourlives: balancing the vocations of marriage, parenthood, service, and our work. I joined a group counseling practice and workpart-time as a therapist for Spanish speaking clients. But my full-time job isbeing a stay-at-home dad. Our two boys,Jonah (4 yrs) and Leo (19 months), are teaching me a lot more about presence,relationships, solidarity, and a preferential option for the poor. However, the scope of those things has movedfrom the macro to the micro. I am keenlyaware that my right relationship with them will hopefully set them up for alife-time of self-esteem and compassion for others. Their world exists in the Now and thereforeso does mine, to the extent that I am capable of letting go of my attachmentsat any given moment. Their poverty isnot one of material lack but of utter dependence. And my job is to be the best person I can befor them. I use the relationship I havewith each of them to create a sacred space where they can grow emotionally,physically, and spiritually. From thegroundedness of that sacred space, my prayer is they can move forward in lifeto realize how God is calling them to be and serve.

Who knows what kind of service Kelly and I will be doing inthe future after the immediacy of raising small children wanes? I’m excited to find out but I don’t feel anurgency to move onto the next chapter. It will unfold in time. What I do know is that my vocation as anadult Catholic Christian began when I said “yes” to Cap Corps in a small chapelin Denton, Texas, in April, 1998. Thatfirst “yes” to God’s invitation allowed for some other sacred Yes’s and somesacred No’s in the years that followed.

Doug Scott, Cap Corps Nicaragua Alumni, 1998-2000

Cap Corps Alumni Reflection Then and Now...Part 1

2011-11-30T13:35:00.001-06:00

Cap Corps Orientation 1998

The night before I left for Cap Corps orientation, my veryconservative dad told me in a concerned voice, “Doug, I’m worried about thegroup you’re going with. Some of thosereligious groups got involved with Communism down there in Latin America and they’llprobably try to brainwash you.”

“Uh, okay, Dad,” Isaid, but inwardly I was convinced that once again he was being paranoid. I had never met a democrat before going tocollege. There aren’t many of that kindin Keller, Texas, and my family, particularly my dad, hated Democrats. I didn’t care too much about politics andwasn’t interested in it either. But Iwas interested in Catholicism, particularly very conservative and traditionalCatholicism that held the dictates of the Pope and Rome as the word ofGod. I got involved in Catholicapologetics and began teaching it to my friends at the Catholic Campus Centerat UNT, my alma mater.

Things were about change big time beginning around 5:00 pmon August 2^nd, 1998, when I landed in Chicago to begin myorientation with Cap Corps. A white mannamed Padre Alfredo picked me up atthe airport and we listened to salsa all the way back to the rectory. The next day I met Fr. Brian Braun. Within one hour we were upstairs talking inthe kitchen when he said, “You know what this damn country needs!!! We need a Communist party to balance thingsout!” He then went on a tirade about theevils of people like Rush Limbaugh, one of my father’s heroes, who werewrecking up America.

“What!!!!” Ithought. I was NOT going to tell my Dadabout this guy.

I met theother two international volunteers that day who were also going to LatinAmerica. The three of us hung aroundBrian for a week, meeting Capuchin missionaries who were home from Nicaragua.We listened to war stories, learned how the US supported dictators in LatinAmerica, and took a 13 hour tour of Chicago. This tour was incredible because Brian holds a Masters in urban planningso he had studied all of the architecture of Chicago and knew all of the storiesbehind this building and that one. The last thing I remember from internationalweek was my first ride on public transportation (ever!). Brian dropped the three of us at the nearest“L” station and told us that we had to figure out how to get to a non-profitorganization in the Mexican area of south Chicago. The other two volunteers were less daunted bythe task, but it was just what I needed. I was a real fish out of water and far away from my comfort zone. I find this funny now because years later Ilived in Chicago for four years and not only did I take public transportationbut I rode my bike year around for two years doing social work in the poorestareas of Chicago. Yes, things hadchanged by then and it all began with orientation.

After thefirst week, the domestic volunteers showed up. Of the very full schedule, there are three things that I remember fromthe next two weeks. First, the Capuchin(I can’t remember his name) who gave us a history of the Capuchins in the St.Joseph Province was really touching. Hewas moved to tears several times as he recalled the sacrifices and passion ofthe first few Caps from Germany. Second,Mike Crosby, OFM, Cap gave an outstanding presentation on systemic violence andinjustice. He used lots of personal examples and was very open about thechallenges he and others witnessed in the Church in general and St. Joseph’sProvince in particular. He invited andchallenged all of us to take a vow of non-violence which he said was thehardest vow he had ever taken. Third, I remember Michael Fountain’s amazingcooking and hospitality. For me, he isone of the rocks (a rock star urban hermit) of the Cap Corps experience as hepresents with such a great spirit and genuine care for the volunteers.

I had metvery few religious before Cap Corps, and had never met any Capuchins. Cap Corps orientation was a great experiencebecause it introduced me to a wider world of thinking and more importantly, ofbeing. Many of the actual events oforientation have hazed out of my memory of the years but the experience ofbeing in a challenging, intense, yet supportive environment made a deepmark. By the time I left for Nicaragua,I knew that I belonged to an outstanding corps of volunteers that was rootedand watered by the Capuchin Franciscan brothers of St. Joseph Province.

Doug Scott, Cap Corps Volunteer 1998-2000, Nicaragua

El Salvador, Solidarity, and Inspiration

2011-11-23T10:49:00.001-06:00

During my sophomore year of college I decided to take what was a boldstepfor me and go on a trip with the Creighton Center for Service and Justice to aprotest and vigil at the Western Hemisphere Institute for Security Cooperation(formerly known as the School of the Americas) in Fort Benning, Georgia. I had learned that the school trained military officials from LatinAmerica who had been convicted of torture, human rights abuses, and hundreds ofunjust killings of civilians. One of the many injustices committed wasthe brutal killing of six Jesuits, their housekeeper, and her daughter onNovember 16, 1989. The Jesuits were killed for the political messagesthey made when they applied the Gospel to social and economical injustices inEl Salvador. Although I was initially a little uncomfortable with the idea oftaking a strong political stand, the protest taught me the importance of beingcommitted to social justice and the connection between faith and politics. I went to the protest in Georgia the following year, and last year Ihelped prepare for and participated in the Ignatian Family Teach-In for Justicein Washington D.C. These experiences deepened my faith as well as my commitmentto social justice.

Elizabeth and Ana, Cap Corps volunteers

This year I was unable to go to the protest and the teach-in in the U.S., but Iwas able to remember the martyrs in a very powerful way. Elizabeth(another Cap Corps volunteer), Sister Kari, and I traveled with some of ourfriends from Volunteer Missionary Movement (VMM) to San Salvador for the vigiland mass at the UCA (Universidad Centroamericana), the university where the sixJesuits taught and were killed. It was powerful being in the place wheresuch courageous and committed people had given their life for their faith andfor the common good. I felt lots of energy from the gathering ofthousands of people who had come to remember the martyrs and show theircommitment to social justice. With lit candles in hand, we walked aroundthe university and marched through several salt rugs (murals made out ofcolored sand on the road). Then we celebrated Mass outside together andlistened to a homily that so beautifully connected our faith to the currentrealities that it would have made the Jesuit martyrs proud. We receivedgenerous hospitality from other VMM volunteers and their country coordinator,who not only took us to the vigil but also to the house, church, and crypt ofArchbishop Oscar Romero, a martyr who was shot in 1980 for denouncing socialinjustices and standing with the poor. It was a full weekend, and we also gotto experience El Salvador in other ways, like eating lots of papusas (stuffedcorn tortillas) and hiking on Volcano Boquerón.

Cap Corps and Volunteer Missionary Movement volunteers

Last weekend was an incredible way for me to be in solidarity with students andfriends from Creighton at the teach-in, as well as with those who have sufferedinjustices and work for peace. I left ElSalvador feeling grateful for such a dynamic experience and with renewed energyto live a purposeful and committed life. The lives of the Jesuitscontinue to inspire me as I work for economic development in rural communitiesin Managua, Nicaragua.

Ana Heck, Nicaragua Cap Corps Volunteer, 2011-2013
sent November 19, 2011

How Awesome are the Outdoors!

2011-11-18T16:19:00.001-06:00

As a Cap Corps volunteer in Milwaukee, I have been working at the Urban Ecology Center since August. It is quite the noble organization, and I am honored to have the opportunity to be working there. We strive to revitalize urban communities through nature.

Through my work with people of all the ages, especially youth, in the Washington Park community I have learned a lot so far. I have witnessed some of the healing qualities of being outside--kids exploring the natural world and just ‘getting away’ from the stress of the urban environment. It has been fun and inspiring to facilitate connecting urban youth with nature, and the wonder, awe, and beauty that the biological world provides.

I have witnessed some be astounded at the fact that plants produce flowers that turn into seeds that can be planted to produce new plants. Some kids have discovered that they actually do like tomatoes, both fresh off the vine, as well as cooked in dishes like homemade pasta sauce, pizza, salads, and more. The kids’ excitement of finding grasshoppers and caterpillars, the enthusiasm for exploring a wooded area, and the fun of canoeing on the lagoon have all brought me great joy and hope for the future.

In addition to the great work with the kids, the collaborative, open, honest and fun atmosphere of the Urban Ecology Center and its staff has been a welcomed surprise as well. I am thankful for the opportunity to work at the Urban Ecology Center, be involved in the Milwaukee community in this way, and to foster positive experiences with the outdoors with urban youth.

Martin Witchger, Cap Corps Volunteer, 2011-2012

Live Your Story-Reflections from Mission to Mission Retreat

2011-11-01T11:30:00.003-05:00

For months, I had been dreading attending the Mission to Mission reentry retreat. Leaving Nicaragua had been a long grieving process for a place, for a community, and for friends who changed me so thoroughly. My soul was slowly starting to catch up with me in the US. I was afraid going to the retreat would make me feel the loss anew. Over the course of the weekend, however, I became aware of how much I had grown since returning to the US, and how much Nicaragua had continued to grow inside me.

The retreat helped me recognize that I had been living in a precarious position between wanting to put distance on the intense emotional rawness of volunteer experience while wanting to dwell on that experience for fear of losing its effect on me. As the facilitator explained it, it sometimes feels like you have to introduce yourself as “Hi, my name is Kathryn I-was-in-Nicaragua,” as if it was your middle name. The goal of reentry, she explained, is getting to the point where you live the story of your volunteer experience, so you don’t feel like you have to tell it all the time. I had to find a balance between holding on and letting go, between embracing how I had been transformed while giving my grief permission to pass.

To this end, we spent time identifying the specific ways our international service had changed us, as well as the individuals who had participated in that change. I recognized the sacred gift of all those who had reached out to me in my loneliness, who had taught me to be patient and to trust God even when there seemed like there was no apparent reason to do so. At the end of this exercise, I realized that one of the greatest skills I had was the ability to do just what we were doing then. I had learned how to receive wisdom from people around me at unexpected moments, and in unexpected ways. I learned how to be open and attentive, to recognize gifts others are always offering that can make me a better person. Even now, when I attend my divinity school classes, I am much more able to gain insight from the comments of my fellow classmates than I ever was as an undergraduate.

By recognizing this and all of the other ways I grew during my time in Nicaragua, I now understand what it means to live my story. Every time I discern prophetic words in the mouths of my peers, whenever I go out of my normal routine to practice hospitality, when I surrender illusions of being able to control others or achieve optimal efficiency, then I am living the story of my international mission. The mission did not end when I returned home. The work continues, and the international segment of my mission lives on and adapts to new circumstances. That is why organization calls itself “Mission to Mission.”

Kathryn Ray, Cap Corps volunteer, Puerto Cabezas, Nicaragua, 2009-2011

A Lot to Think About

2011-10-17T13:34:00.007-05:00

Where to begin? I sit down with the hopes of updating you all, however I truly struggle with what to say. It is not that life hasn't been filled with wonderful and influential moments. Rather, quite the contrary. My days here in Managua, Nicaragua are almost always filled with people and events that continue to change and inspire me that I am truly at a loss at where to begin.

In just the past few days, I have seen, experienced and felt things first hand that just a few years ago were foreign to me, things I could only relate to in movies or on TV. Yet now, these once far off realities are suddenly my reality. But even though they are now my reality, I have struggled to personally relate to them.

Yesterday, walking through the barrio or neighborhood where I teach English, I witnessed part of a gang related shootout, which ended in the death of a teenager. Then, this morning I had the opportunity to go to la churleca, or Managua’s city dump. It is not just a dump, however. People live in the dump, making their living by sorting through the trash. Then, this afternoon I went with a few people to visit a teenager who was active at the youth center where I teach English, who is currently at a center for drug rehabilitation.

Megan Teaching English

As these experiences occurred, I just found myself thinking “Why?” As I walked away from the shooting, and as I walked the streets of la churleca, I just kept thinking to myself “How does humanity allow this to happen?” I was at a loss for feelings. Such horrible events, I was unsure what to feel, how to process such events that I am accustomed to seeing on TV, not living out in my own life.

Thus, in the months that remain, how do I remain present – to the people that I am serving, in the work that I am doing, and in the community I am living, both my Cap Corps community as well as the broader Nicaraguan community; while at the same time attempt to prepare myself for my upcoming return home?

As far as remaining present in my ministry site, I think that will be among the easier places, as my ministry site, English classes, are going great. Classes have grown a lot, as there are now three established classes, which is just a blessing.

Recently, I have been running photography workshops, working with the youth in Cantera's four territories. It has been a lot of work, but also a lot of fun! It has allowed me to get to know a lot of people, especially a lot of youth I otherwise would not get to know!

Photography class

These experiences allow me to learn about myself, how I have changed, how I have grown, and hopefully how I can contribute to the lives of others. I know I have truly been blessed. Thank you all for prayers and support.

Megan in Granada, Nicaragua

Megan Vander Wyst, Managua Cap Corps Volunteer, 2010-2012. Written October 14, 2011

From New to Home-My Journey to Managua, Nicaragua

2011-09-23T12:30:00.007-05:00

Today is my sixth day in Managua. Courtney and Megan picked us all up from our homestays in Granada on Saturday, and we've been pretty much whirlwinding around, meeting A LOT of people and trying to get to know the city a little better. Essentially, it's been six days of new. New people, new dynamics, new places, new smells, new sounds, new bugs, new buses, new walks, a new home... like I said, six days of new.

Since joining up with Cap Corps this past April, new has followed me everywhere. I graduated college the next month, and for the first time, I didn't have to go to school again in the Fall. For the first time, I didn't have a real, long-term plan (except for Cap Corps), I didn't know exactly what I would be doing in the foreseeable future (all I knew was that I would either teach English or work in a rural area), I didn't know who I would be around, and, all that the newness that waited me was really, really exciting. Then, at the end of summer, I packed my bags and headed to Milwaukee for the first time for Cap Corps orientation. New people, new interactions, new rules, new living situations, new perspectives, new everything. And, JUST as I was really starting to feel comfortable with them, I packed my bags again and, at 3am, went to the airport to fly to Nicaragua for the first time.

For three weeks in Granada, I learned how to live in Granada. I developed new relationships; with my host family, with the people at my language school, with the people I passed on my daily walks, and with the new friends (mostly ex-pats) that I met there. I learned a new language (Nicaragua Spanish, and for any readers who learned their Spanish in Spain with hopes of going to Nicaragua, a warning: Spain Spanish is most definitely not the same haha), I ate new food, I developed a new routine (wake-up: 7am, bedtime: 10pm), I saw new things (the good: volcanoes, clouds and the campo; the bad: borrachitos [drunks] and huelepegas [gluesniffers] sleeping on the sidewalks and lots of hungry animals), and over the three weeks, I became more and more familiar, more and more comfortable with my new surroundings.

Mombacho Volcano
Picture taken from Catarina — at Los Pueblos Blancos, Nicaragua

Of course, right as everything seemed to be really coming together, I came to Managua. And as anyone who has traveled outside of their city, town, or even neighborhood, everywhere is its own little world, its own little universe. Instead of walking everywhere, due to Managua's size and sprawl, I take buses; instead of using streets in directions, I use non-existent landmarks (my address: "Batahola sur, de donde fue la Nicalit, una cuadra al sur y una cuadra abajo" / "Batahola sur [my neighborhood], where the Nicalit used to be, one block south and one west"); instead of spending my days with my host family, watching TV and sitting on the porch, I've been hanging with Courtney, Elizabeth, Ana and Megan in our house, doing our own things, planning our activities, and speaking (mostly) English; instead of going to class in the mornings, I go to work (although this week and next is Managua orientation, and I actually start working soon after that).

New neighborhoods, and now there's some that I shouldn't go into alone (like the one I work in), at least until I get to know more people there. A new lifestyle, where I have to handle bills, food, and all that other boring stuff for the first time, and live for the first time with people who aren't already my good friends or family. And then, there's me. I will be a new me here in Managua, different from the me in Granada, different from the me in Milwaukee, and different from the me back home in California.

After all that, I think you all can guess the theme that's been running through my life these past few months. Newness. And like I wrote above, it's exciting. I'm interested in EVERYTHING. I just want to walk around everywhere and take it all in, to explore and to understand the new worlds I've been passing through. But at the same time, a part of me is a little tired of new. Traveling, exploring, and understanding are all tiring activities, and having to do take my accumulated explorations and understandings, put them away, and start all over again three times in two months is tiring. Having to constantly be animated, friendly, energetic, smiling and happy when constantly meeting new people is tiring. But I'm happy, and excited, to know that Managua is my last newness for a long time, and I'm glad to know that I can take that process a bit slower here.

I have 18 months to make Managua old, and the best part is that even once I get comfortable, I can go deeper and find the little newances (see what I did there?) that I missed the first time(s). Being around Courtney, Megan, and other volunteers who have been here longer than I, their comfort and belonging is visible. Despite their accents and native languages, despite their skin color, despite their entire life experiences, they have all made Managua, and Nicaragua their home. They have made themselves a part of the local landscape, and have integrated themselves into their local community.

Seeing all that has completely reassured me that the immersion experience is possible, and that it works. One volunteer is finishing up her volunteer time this month and coming back in January to start her job here. Another is seriously considering the possibility of staying after her program finishes up. Others are somewhat bittersweet; happy to be returning to their friends, families and roots, but sad to be leaving the place and the people they've called home for the last one-and-a-half to two years. I, for one, hope to feel that bittersweet tinge in my last few months, way out in 2013. For me, that leads to this question: how can I get to that point? How can I make Managua my home?

Over the next 18 months, I would like to answer that question by being open, honest, reflective, helpful, friendly, compassionate and conscious. I want to use all of those qualities to develop relationships with the people I encounter in my work and in my community, and especially to be able to be sensitive to the differences between our backgrounds and perspectives and to their needs, in order to do the best work I possibly can as an English teacher, and in whatever other capacity I am used in. I want to experience, to build my courage and let go of my fears and anxieties (in a healthy way haha), and surrender myself to living a new lifestyle in this new context.

I want to speak as much Spanish as I can, so that I can better understand not only the words, but their context and their connotations. I also want to keep the life I've left behind in the United States close to my heart, to remember my family and my friends and make sure that my surrender doesn't mean forgetting. Doing all of this will be hard. But, I have a wonderful, supportive community in Megan, Elizabeth, Courtney and Ana, I have what appears to be a wonderful, supportive community both at work in Cantera (an awesome non-profit that runs the projects we all work on) and in my neighborhood, and I'm hopeful and (reasonably) confident that I can achieve my goals and really make Managua my home.

(Matt is third from the left with Chepe, Elizabeth, Megan, Ana, and Courtney-left to right)

-Matt Richardson
Cap Corps Volunteer in Managua, Nicaragua with Cantera, 2010-2013
Written September, 15, 2011

A Week of Misfortunes and Changes

2011-09-21T13:19:00.003-05:00

This past week the bug of misfortune hit the family Nino Jesus. From 5 kids being sent home due to a case of chicken pox to having to clean up blood in one day.

Last Sunday, God asks us to take a look at our actions and the way we live; asking that we change. First, he tells us to change in the way we share with others. Tell them the bad that they do in order that they change their conducts/ ways. For me this has been a very hard lesson to hear from others about me. No one wants to hear what they are doing bad. No one wants to know that what they thought was good enough wasn't good at all.

I personally, have been feeling a bit taken a back by this request because I have found myself receiving the criticism more than giving it. I have been putting myself down in a way that I am not allowing myself to help others become the best version of themselves. I have not allowed myself to think that what I have to share is good and not meant to hurt the other person but to help them see what they can not see themselves. In turn, I am not allowing myself to accept the feedback that others are trying to give me in order for them to help me become the best version of myself.

The second way he asks us to change is to LOVE with an open heart. In a reflection it states: The love expressed by Christ through the Holy Spirit has now become the engine of interpersonal relationships and the single source in the process of changing attitudes to the brothers of community in society. This is the type of love we need to want and to share with others in order to see the change that needs to happen and then to apply it to our lives.

The third way he asks us to change is by searching for the intervention of the community or life group and if this last resort does not seem to effect the lost brother, then the community seeks recovery or leaves him to disassociate himself from them. This way has been very helpful for me during this journey with CAP CORPS Mid-West. I have learned to trust in me and the help of my community. With out asking for help the community breaks. The more you keep quit, the more it shatters. This last form of change, is what I like to call 'THE CALL'. This is when God steps in with Jesus, Mary and all the saints and does some serious healing in you. This is what the buddhist would call enlightenment in a sense. Catholics would call this a time of Discernment. The first two steps are very necessary in order for one to enter into the third and final step.

From having 24 to now having 20, a lot of changes (good changes) have been happening in the house. There is more time to teach the kids, time to reflect on ourselves, time to reflect on this past in order to prepare for the future, time to build courage, love, and patience. Also this past week, we received a new volunteer in our house. The work load has also lightened, leaving me with more time to play with the kids. There is just a lovely feeling when the kids call you asking you to come out and play with them :)

May God speak to you this week and show you the changes that he wants from you. They aren't meant to degrade you, but lift you and make you great here on earth as he sees you from heaven. May love seep into you pores and flow to your heart. For God, so loved the world that he gave up his one and only begotten Son (OUR BROTHER JESUS)!

LOVE YOU ALL

Tania Brown, Lima Volunteer 2009-2012. Posted September 6, 2011
http://comewalkwithtania.blogspot.com/